Thursday, December 16, 2010

Jealousy: Why the thought of his ex-girlfriend drives you crazy

Class is now in session….

It’s been known that after a woman meets a guy she really likes, the subject of the “ex-girlfriend” will come up at one time or another. Try as you might, if you’re looking to get into a serious relationship with him you can never avoid it. I’ve had a lot of friends in the past tell me that as soon as he started talking about his ex-girlfriend, she would create all sorts of dire thoughts and images her head that were bound to bring up drama in the relationship. And it goes something like this:

Guy: My last relationship lasted about two years.

Girl: Hmm…I wonder if she’s prettier than me. I have to see what this bitch looks like.

Guy: It didn’t work out, but she wants to remain friends.

Girl: Friends? If I see her even come within twenty feet of you it’s on like donkey kong.

Guy: When we decided to break up, she was actually pretty easy going about it.

Girl: Skank!

And during this whole talk, you can’t rid the thought of them sleeping together. This leads to what I like to call the “Sloppy-Seconds” factor. Let’s face it--- everyone we’ve dated has most likely been in a relationship before you. You may be special, but you ain’t that special. To think that your man is like some new car on the lot that’s never been driven is unrealistic. In fact, you’re probably not even sloppy seconds. You are more like thirds, fourths, fifths or hundredths. Does that mean you should dwell on every single relationship of his past? If you do….YOU CRAZY. Not to mention, you got some serious issues. Mostly likely you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you get your head checked out. And I’m not making this shit up. I know many women like this. Everyone has a past and what happened in the past should stay in the past. Frankly, who your man dated before you is none of your damn business. Of course, no one is perfect and I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve checked up on a guy after he’s talked about his ex-girlfriend. Only because it gives me a sense of whom he is and what grade of man I’m going to end up with. If I discover that his ex was a total loser or complete piece of trash what does that say about the guy? As they say-- you are who your friends are. And this is usually the only reason why I do some investigation if need be. If you have to scratch the itch, do so quietly and then move on. Just don’t anything extreme.

In other circumstances, the ex-girlfriend might still be hanging around. If this is the case, there are reasons to be concerned. Although, there is nothing you can do if he has a child with his woman. Remember, it was your choice to get involved with him knowing he had this baggage, so if you can’t handle it then its best you hit the road. The reality is--- she is going to be a part of his life FOREVER. On the flipside, if your man has no ties to his ex-girlfriend then there should really be no reason why she’s still in his life. And don’t even fall for the “well we’re friends,” bullshit. We all know that at some point in time these “friends” will probably hook up again. For instance, I know a guy who is extremely on and off with his “girlfriend.” And guess who he decides to start playing nicey-nice with when she’s not around? Me. Every time he breaks up with her, he comes running back to me, acting like he’s interested. During this time he will constantly keep in contact with me. Oh, I used to fall for it and I wanted to believe that it was over for good. Then after the fifth time they broke up I’d had it. I was sick of his sniveling and complaining. I’d been though his crying games so many times that I knew they would eventually get back together even if he didn’t want to admit it. It drove me crazy, but not in the jealously type way. I felt more like the used shoulder that had been cried on one to many times. The truth is his girlfriend is complete piece of redneck garbage. But as they say…love is blind.

Ladies, you need to face it. When you date a guy, you basically are dating everyone he dated before you. Do not go looking for things you cannot change. Dwelling on his past is unhealthy and will not do the relationship any good. You will probably kill it. What goes around comes around and chances are…the next girl he dates will likely be wondering about you.

Class dismissed.

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