Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Being Complete As A Woman Without A Man

Class is now in session....

Being a single woman (by choice) I often wonder why so many other women feel that they cannot be complete without a man. I mean, is that that important? Shit, there’s so much more to life than having a boyfriend. And yet some women feel it’s so necessary that they will have a boyfriend even if they know the guy is totally wrong from them. I’ll admit that I was influenced at the tender age of eleven. Believe it or not, having a boyfriend was what every girl wanted at my age. As early as fifth grade, girls already had boyfriends. And I said to myself, “Damn it. I’m going to get one too!” And so I did. Of course it was nowhere near an adult relationship, but he turned out to be someone I would not be able to forget. And I guess he was the reason why I couldn’t wait to grow up and join the dating world. Ugh, how sorry I would be. Everything would just start spiraling downward. Soon enough I would go through a series of bad boyfriends and failed relationships. Thank God I eventually wised up at twenty-five and no longer allowed these losers to take control of my life. I’m not going to lie. It’s nice to feel loved by the opposite sex, but for me it’s nice to feel loved by the RIGHT guy. Not just some random dude because I feel lonely. Yeah right.

Over my lifetime I’ve come across numerous amounts of women whom are completely obsessed with dating and having boyfriends. It’s gotten to the point where it’s taken over their lives. They simple can’t function when they are single and it’s as though a man is like some sort of security blanket. Dating is no longer fun for them; it’s a necessity. They believe that if they don’t have a diamond ring on their finger by a certain age they will won’t be able to exist. Really now? Maybe it was that way back in the 50s, but not in this generation. And speaking of dysfunctional---two years ago, I had a friend who had a completely warped sense of reality, especially when it came to men. We got to talking and I asked her to tell me about her five-year goal plan. This is exactly what she said:

-Find a boyfriend (within the year)
-Get engaged by age 29 (a year after we meet)
-Get married by age 30 (at least a year after being engaged)
-Get pregnant and have a kid by age 31 (a year after being married)
-Have another kid (a year after)

All I could think of at that moment was, “Seriously?” No where on that list did I see anything substantial like--- get a degree, buy a house, etc etc…Everything was based on the need of finding a man. This was also the girl who told men on the first date about her life long plans and scared them away within the first hour of meeting. First of all, I wanted to tell this bitch that nothing in life goes according to plan. We all wish it could, but nothing ever goes the way we want. If that were true then I would have both my novels published, be married to some super hot sexy dude and be rolling in dough. Sorry, only in the dream world, honey.

What sickens me even more are the girls whom get married extremely young. Please, please, please can someone advise on me why women throw their lives away like this? If they are so in love why can’t they just hold off until they are at least twenty-five? We all know what happens to the ones who get married under twenty….it never lasts. Such a waste if you ask me. Seriously, I think there should be a law prohibiting morons under the age of twenty-five from marrying.

You see, I have ton of goals that I want to accomplish before I get into all this mumbo jumbo. I’m a fiction writer and I plan on getting my novels published and making a name for myself. For me its career, and then maybe marriage. I know from first hand experience that when I’m trying to focus on my goals and a man comes into the picture….I get sidetracked. I can’t let that happen anymore. Nothing good comes from it and it’s just a complete waste of my time.

But what I want to know is: What is so wrong with the single life? Is having the freedom to do what you want such a bad thing? Why do women insist on being tied down by their controlling boyfriends? Do women get off on that type of shit? Maybe so. Of course, no one wants to be single and lonely forever. But sometimes it’s nice to sit back, smell the roses and not get involved in the relationship drama. There is a time and place for everything. Being in a relationship should not be anyone’s number one goal in life. Ladies, it’s not that end of the world if you are single for awhile.

As I’ve said before, this day in age we women cannot depend on a man for anything. We must be self sufficient; make our own money, hold down a job, be totally independent. We never know what might happen down the road after we get married or end up in a serious relationship where we think our men will supposedly take care of us forever. Nothing is ever set in stone and we need to prepare ourselves for the inevitable. It’s sad, but that’s the world we live in today—it’s every man/woman for themselves.

Class dismissed.

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What would you do if your first love suddenly walked back into your life? This is a question Alexa Moore finds herself asking the moment she comes face to face with her childhood sweetheart, nearly fifteen years after his mysterious disappearance.

In this coming of age novel, it is the summer of 1992. Carter Storm is a precocious thirteen-year-old child actor awaiting his big break in the entertainment industry. Alexa Moore is just a regular teenager, seeking acceptance from her peers. With heartbreak and humor, these two friends expose a world of secrets and learn to survive in the face of life’s contradictions and tragedies. When Carter’s dark life suddenly unveils before Alexa’s eyes, she witnesses her best friend beaten down mercilessly by his stage mother’s antics, but Alexa’s strong will and determination helps Carter pull through his darkest hours. The two are bonded by a love that only deepens as they grow. However, Carter’s mother will do everything she can to keep them apart, so that her prodigy is not distracted. As a result, the two are forced to keep their childhood romance hidden from prying eyes. When Alex discovers Carter’s family packed up and gone without so much as a chance for goodbyes, her world shatters.
Over a decade later, Carter Storm resurfaces as a Grammy award winner, with a new name, a new life, and an entourage of screaming girls and paparazzi following him everywhere he goes. When Alexa randomly comes face to face with Carter Storm, the encounter sets off a string of events that will have her torn between the man she loves and the man she once loved. How far will she go when the man from her past suddenly walks into her future?

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  1. I got married late...I was 31.
    I LOVED the single life! Like you say, come and go as you please, answer to no one, yeah!

    I love being married too, but I was not unhappy when I was single.

  2. Hey 31 is a perfect age for marriage. Nothing wrong with that.

  3. Best article yet! Don't be afraid to be on your own people. If you can't enjoy your own company how would you expect someone else to enjoy your company. Discover yourself first then if you get married you've more to give to the other.

    Then always remember that one way or another, through death or a parting of the ways, you will be alone again. How d'ya like 'em apples?

  4. Jenny - I agree with your post, but it also comes down to that certain people really need to be told what to do and I am not making this up. After working with the Army for a good two weeks (I am Air Force), it was a nasty culture shock for me where their superiors was telling the junior soldiers on every thing to do. I am a naturally independent person so that adds to the culture shock.

    Comparing Army soldiers to some women, maybe that is what some women need. They need someone to tell them what to do down to the point of micro-management / control. And how you say if they cannot function without a significant other, that is like having someone tell them what to do become out of the picture. They don't know what to do besides have them find someone to tell them what to do.

    Yes, this is bizarre but I am convinced some people are like that. Just look at the religious lemmings that you see around the world.

  5. Yes, that's true. I know alot of people where you have hold their hand and tell him what to do for almost anything. It's like they don't have their own brain, which is so sad to me. If their significant other died, what the hell would they do? It would be like leaving a 3 year old unattended.

  6. If I ever found out a chick had a timetable like the one you mentioned, I would run like the cops were chasing me. Especially when, as in the example you cited, she has nothing else to bring to the table besides an abiding desire to reproduce

    Relationships work when the two come together to produce an output greater than the sum of the efforts. Absent that, there is no point to being in a relationship. If you don't have it together as a single person, you aren't going to make it as a married one. You need to be able to produce, not just reproduce.

  7. I like the way you think.I can't say much about it because I'm very young. But my point of view is similar to yours. Don't get married until your 25 and don't be depending on just a person.
    When my time of dating arrives I'll now a lot about it because of you, thanks for let me know :)