Monday, September 19, 2011

'Stayover' relationships defined in study

Jennifer Edlund's website

Just two more idiots in this world.....DO NOT FOLLOW THEIR EXAMPLE!

Are you paying rent, heat, hot water, electric, cable and wireless Internet ... only to sleep at your boyfriend's house six nights a week?

Congratulations. It sounds like you're in a "stayover" relationship.
You might not have heard anyone refer to your relationship that way — or any way, for that matter. That's because stayover relationships, while nothing new, haven't really been defined or studied until recently.
"I knew it was happening, but it wasn't being named anywhere else," says Tyler Jamison of the University of Missouri, who published "We're Not Living Together" this summer in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
The crux of her research: While those interviewed spent three to seven nights per week together and hoped to live with a partner or marry someday, they weren't ready for that level of emotional, logistical or financial commitment. They instead cherished the mix of intimacy and independence afforded by their current arrangement.
New step in dating

Josh Keaton, 27, who works at PAETEC, and Cate Lape, 25, a registered nurse at Strong Memorial Hospital, met on Lape's first day living in Rochester. Neither wanted to rush the relationship, so they kept sleepovers to a minimum. "Your lives are connected to a certain extent (when you're dating), but you haven't made that next level of commitment where your home lives will be completely wrapped around each other," Keaton says. "You want to take it one step at a time. You don't want to go from hanging out once or twice a week to waking up together every morning and doing each other's laundry."
It's also healthy for a new couple to spend time apart so that each partner can experience that feeling of missing the other, Lape says, while at the same time reflecting on how the relationship is going.
As it got to summer and their schedules started coinciding more, they spent more and more time — and nights — as a couple. But they didn't rush to move in together.
Keaton preferred Lape's place in Corn Hill to his own and began spending more and more nights there. Before long, once or twice a week had turned into every night. They didn't feel the need to have a conversation about the frequency of their stayovers until the prospect of living together came up. Their conversation was about both emotions — neither had any qualms — and practical matters. They were both transitioning into their lives as young professionals, and they wanted to combine their buying power so they could live in a nicer apartment.

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What would you do if your first love suddenly walked back into your life? This is a question Alexa Moore finds herself asking the moment she comes face to face with her childhood sweetheart, nearly fifteen years after his mysterious disappearance.

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