Friday, January 7, 2011

Operation....FAIL!

Class is now in session....

A few days ago, I wrote a blog entry about why dating websites are a waste of time. And many of you had quite a few opinions on this subject. Well, after I wrote that entry I got to thinking and I came up with an idea. What better way to prove my point about how bad these dating websites are then to sign up on one of them myself. So what’s so big about that idea you ask? Well, I thought it would be interesting to conduct a little experiment. The only reason I would sign up on a dating website, as myself of course, would be to do it for purely experimental purposes. This means I would find a guy that was semi-decent, make contact, go on a date with him and then write about the experience. Of course I have one rule: to only go on a date with each guy once. Meaning---when the date ends, good or bad, it’s over and we never see each other again. Of course none of these guys would know they are my experimental game and I could care less about not telling them. Anyway, last Thursday I signed up on Match.com and Plentyoffish.com. I immediately had to delete my profile from Plentyoffish.com. That website just wasn’t cutting it; it was like diving into a sea of losers, literally. As for Match.com, there was not one single decent looking guy who emailed me at the beginning. Then finally maybe after the first three days, I got a few bites from guys that maybe had some potential. I took the chance and sent them my number, asking them to text me. I wasn’t going to procrastinate with idle chit-chat, shooting the shit emails back and forth, I just wanted to get the job done. Anyway, about three of them did text me, but nothing ever panned out. After like an hour of mindless texting, they all sort of disappeared. It was back to the drawing board. Once again, all the fugly losers started emailing me. And then I got all excited when this really attractive guy emailed me, finally! I open the email and read, “I’m looking for some casual sex and someone to spoil…. is that you?” I can’t tell you that I was actually that appalled. Nothing surprises me anymore. Well, on Monday another good looking guy emails me. I was expecting the same result as before, but this guy turned out genuine. But unfortunately, the gig with Match.com was up. I was going to delete my profile. I still can’t believe with all the hundreds of men out there, I could only find one decent looking guy. What a joke. Anyway, I emailed Tom back and sent him my number. Tom texted me on Monday night and I got back to him on Tuesday morning. We pretty much texted back and forth all day. He seemed like a pretty down to earth type of guy, I didn’t really see any red flags. Tom kept his texting “appropriate,” which was a good sign. On Wednesday we texted all day and things still seemed like they were flowing. I just have to say that not once during this time period did we ever talk on the phone. This was purely communication by text message. On this same day, he asked me if I wanted to get together on Thursday. We decided to meet at a sushi restaurant. Let me just start off by saying that when I found out this guy was Gemini, I knew nothing was going to come out of it. My sign and his sign are not compatible on any level and I’ve had some really horrible experiences with Gemini men in the past. But what the hell, huh? I was going into this thing with no expectations and looking at it as a research project, like I said I was going to do from the very beginning. Here’s the quick down low on this guy: thirty-three, just moved here from New Jersey, college educated, parents are still together, has a good job, and lives by himself. Seems like a good catch right? Again, I still wondered why someone who was attractive as he was would be on a dating site. I asked him this same question and he said it was just because he doesn’t really know anyone in the area yet. Okay, sure. I appreciate that answer. So yes, I did meet up with this guy last night. He was attractive; I’ll give him that, surely nothing wrong in the looks department. Ah, but then within the first ten minutes of meeting his guy, he throws out the f-bomb. Edlund101 followers know---this a deal breaker. The funny thing is that when this guy was texting me within those two days, he kept telling me what a gentleman he was and how he’s not like other guys. Oh really? Do gentlemen throw the f-bomb at women on the first date? But that wasn’t the only time he did it, this guy threw the f-bomb at me at least four times. Also, when I brought up that my dad had recently passed away there was no sensitivity what so ever. He didn’t really seem to care and never even bothered to ask how my dad passed away. He wanted to continue talking about more important things…like himself. Yeah, so I put off the f-bomb incident for the time being. What else could I do? He paid for dinner and so forth. No problem there. But it was in the middle of eating sushi that Tom asked me, “So you are a missionary type of girl?” I thought he was asking if I was religious or if I was a church goer. I asked, “What do you mean?” and he responded, “What positions do you like to use in bed?” WTF!!!!!! Are you serious!!!! I’ve known this guy, what? All of one hour and he’s asking me what sex positions I like? Edlund 101 immediate deal breaker rule: talking about sex on the first date. I looked at him rather shocked and said, “I’m not going tell you that.” Oh yeah. He got put off by my answer. That was the moment he lost interest and the date pretty went down the shitter. Hey, it’s okay. I was totally expecting this. I was just waiting for him to do something to break the rules, and he did it TWICE. Yeah a real gentlemen--- asking me about sex on the first date. Real classy. This just proves my theory about dating sites. The good looking guys on these things are only looking for sex. Needless to say, I’m completely done with Match.com. I’ve used Match before in the past and this was the last time I’ll ever sign up on their site again. Honestly, I don’t know if I want to continue on with this experiment. I was thinking about trying a different pay dating website like E-harmony or something. I’ll have to think about it. Otherwise, you’ll know when I post another victim.

One sad thing about all this--- this would have been the kind of story my dad would have gotten a real kick out of. I mean it was so bad that it was actually comical. The moment I walked out the door that night, I thought about telling my dad, and then I remembered that I don’t have that luxury anymore. My dad was always fascinated and shocked by my stories about the losers I came in contact with. It’s moments like these that I miss him terribly. In my head I can almost hear what he would have said on the phone and I can hear his laugh. I hope that never fades.

Class dismissed.

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What would you do if your first love suddenly walked back into your life? This is a question Alexa Moore finds herself asking the moment she comes face to face with her childhood sweetheart, nearly fifteen years after his mysterious disappearance.

In this coming of age novel, it is the summer of 1992. Carter Storm is a precocious thirteen-year-old child actor awaiting his big break in the entertainment industry. Alexa Moore is just a regular teenager, seeking acceptance from her peers. With heartbreak and humor, these two friends expose a world of secrets and learn to survive in the face of life’s contradictions and tragedies. When Carter’s dark life suddenly unveils before Alexa’s eyes, she witnesses her best friend beaten down mercilessly by his stage mother’s antics, but Alexa’s strong will and determination helps Carter pull through his darkest hours. The two are bonded by a love that only deepens as they grow. However, Carter’s mother will do everything she can to keep them apart, so that her prodigy is not distracted. As a result, the two are forced to keep their childhood romance hidden from prying eyes. When Alex discovers Carter’s family packed up and gone without so much as a chance for goodbyes, her world shatters.
Over a decade later, Carter Storm resurfaces as a Grammy award winner, with a new name, a new life, and an entourage of screaming girls and paparazzi following him everywhere he goes. When Alexa randomly comes face to face with Carter Storm, the encounter sets off a string of events that will have her torn between the man she loves and the man she once loved. How far will she go when the man from her past suddenly walks into her future?

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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Will Facebook Steal Online Dating Sites?

This just in from Time News...
Jennifer Edlund's website

Will Facebook Steal Online Dating Sites?

Online dating is a big, fat tassled deal. We know this not just because Barry Diller has bought into it (his IAC owns Match.com), but because all the most killer apps on the Internet have been about finding things, whether it's old snowshoes on eBay, the name of a good locksmith on Google or your exact brand of pornography on those weird sites you stumble across when you mistype a search term. Why shouldn't finding a date or a mate be a few keystrokes away?

Except, of course it's not that simple. Which is why there's been a flurry of recent interest in Facebook — the 800-lb. gorilla of finding people — and not just from Goldman Sachs.

Dating websites have enormous potential: theoretically, any single person can save him or herself a lot of trouble and odious evenings at the wrong end of the bar, by doing a little legwork online first — weeding out those potential dates whose attributes they could not tolerate and singling out those who look more sympatico. Their pool of candidates is huge, much greater than anybody could ever hope to meet face to face. And several of the sites, like eHarmony.com and Chemistry.com, tout patented questionnaires that help do the winnowing for you. Match.com claims that 17% of couples who married last year met through the Internet. There's some neutral research backing up their numbers. According to a Stanford University/City College of New York study released in August, the Internet was the third most popular place to meet a new love interest in 2009. About 22% of all the 3,000-odd heterosexual couples in the longitudinal How Couples Meet and Stay Together Survey who met in 2009 did so through the Web. Only a slightly higher number met in bars, and the biggest proportion met through friends.

The complaints about dating websites, however, are persistent, and written about at length in this week's Economist. Basically, there are too many people telling whoppers about themselves, too many profiles of people who don't exist and, you know, the occasional weapons-grade creep. Plus, as Dan Ariely has so eloquently explained, it's still an open question as to whether people can actually figure out what they want online, since we're a little more complicated than old snowshoes.

That's where Facebook comes in. While it doesn't have an official dating app, it certainly has a bunch of ways to meet people. Men often prefer to to do their date-fishing on Facebook because women are more open to approaches from guys who know somebody they know, even though "friend" has a very elastic meaning in the world of the big blue lower case F. People are less likely to lie, or put up a horribly inaccurate photograph on their Facebook profiles, because their friends will call them out. Of course, not everybody wants their dating activity publicized, so the more successful apps operate beneath the public wall of Facebook. People aren't exactly waiting for Facebook to create its own dating arm. Snap Interactive Inc., the makers of Are You Interested, a dating app that has a Facebook component, has seen its stock have a wild ride after Bloomberg ran an admiring profile noting that it was adding more users per day than Match.com. Its share price has grown more than sixfold since last month, although concerns about the app's real value remain. Zoosk, another dating site, has a Facebook utility as well. Others cannot be far behind.

The Stanford study cited above notes that a quarter of the people who met online already had some kind of social connection. Facebook would seem to present a way of overcoming many of the dating sites' drawbacks — including the fact that a lot of them charge a fee — while offering almost as many benefits. (Although if you're into shy introverts terrified of social networking, you might find slim pickings.) Not that the dating websites are exactly hurting. They still have revenues in the hundreds of millions and in 2010 was a banner year for Match.com, the CEO of IAC told Bloomberg.

But would people prefer to trawl in unknown waters or lakes where they had a better sense of the quality and type of fish? The angling metaphor breaks down eventually, because most daters are really only looking for that one special sea bass. A good way to find him, might be to see if any of your friends know him. If a Facebook app of some kind doesn't replace dating sites, it could certainly offer a reasonable, cheap alternative, always a scary specter for others working the same customer base.

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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Delaying Sex = Better Relationships?

Jennifer Edlund's website

This just in from Fox News.....

Delaying Sex = Better Relationships?

Delaying sex makes for a more satisfying and stable relationship later on, new research finds.

Couples who had sex the earliest — such as after the first date or within the first month of dating — had the worst relationship outcomes.

"What seems to happen is that if couples become sexual too early, this very rewarding area of the relationship overwhelms good decision-making and keeps couples in a relationship that might not be the best for them in the long-run," study researcher Dean Busby, of Brigham Young University's School of Family Life, told LiveScience.

Busby and his colleagues published their work Dec. 28 in the Journal of Family Psychology.

The intricate nature of sex
Past research on sex and its link to relationship quality has revealed two different paradigms. In one, sex is considered essential to a developing relationship since it allows partners to assess their sexual compatibility. Following this line of thinking, couples who marry before testing out their sexual chemistry are at risk of marital distress and failure later on.

The opposing view posits couples who delay or abstain from sexual intimacy during the early part of their relationships allow communication and other social processes to become the foundation of their attraction to each other. Essentially, early sex could be detrimental to a relationship, skewing it away from communication, commitment and the ability to handle adversity, this thinking suggests.

And past studies have shown the sex-relationship link is a complex one. For instance, a 2004 study of nearly 300 college students in dating relationships showed that when couples were highly committed, sex was more likely to be seen as a positive turning point in the relationship, increasing understanding, commitment, trust and a sense of security. However, when commitment and emotional expressions were low, the initiation of sex was significantly more likely seen as a negative event, evoking regret, uncertainty, discomfort, and prompting apologies.

Sex comes early nowadays
In the new study, Busby and his colleagues looked specifically at timing of sexual relations. They recruited 2,035 heterosexual individuals who had an average age of 36 and were in their first marriages. Participants reported when they first had sexual relations with their current spouse; they also answered communication questions, which evaluated how well they could express empathy and understanding toward their partners, how well they could send clear messages to their partners, and other questions.Other items on the questionnaire focused on relationship satisfaction and stability, with the latter gauged by three questions: how often they thought their relationship was in trouble; how often they thought of ending the relationship; and how often they had broken up and gotten back together.

Individuals were categorized as either having:
• Early sex (before dating or less than one month after they started dating).
• Late sex (between one month and two years of dating).
• And those who waited until after they married.

Relationships fared better and better the longer a person waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those hitting the sack before a month showing the worst outcomes.

Compared with those in the early sex group, those who waited until marriage:
• Rated relationship stability as 22 percent higher
• Rated relationship satisfaction as 20 percent higher
• Rated sexual quality as 15 percent better
• Rated communication as 12 percent better

"Curiously, almost 40 percent of couples are essentially sexual within the first or second time they go out, but we suspect that if you asked these same couples at this early stage of their relationship – 'Do you trust this person to watch your pet for a weekend many could not answer this in the affirmative' – meaning they are more comfortable letting people into their bodies than they are with them watching their cat," Busby said.

He added that those couples who wait to be sexual have time to figure out how trustworthy their partner is, how well they communicate, and whether they share the same values in life "before the powerful sexual bonding short-circuits their decision-making abilities."

Right now, the team is repeating the study on a larger sample in a longitudinal design – in which participants are followed over time. "We are particularly curious about people who report wanting to wait to be sexual but then they don't follow through on their beliefs, this may be a unique group with unique outcomes," Busby said.

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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Man charged with felony for reading his wife's e-mail to track an affair

Jennifer Edlund's website

What do you think about this?

A Michigan man faces up to 5 years in prison for reading his wife's e-mail to find out if she was having an affair, the Detroit Free Press reports.

The newspaper says Leon Walker, 33, of Rochester Hills, has been charged with a felony after reading Clara Walker's GMail account on a laptop the now-divorced couple shared. He goes to trial in February.
Oakland County prosecutors used a state statute typically used to prosecute crimes like identity theft or stealing trade secrets, the newspaper says.

Leon, Clara Walker's third husband, found out in an e-mail that she was having an affair with her second husband, who was once arrested for beating her in front of her small son. Leon Walker showed the e-mail to that son's father, Clara's first husband, who filed an emergency motion to obtain custody.
"I was doing what I had to do," Leon Walker, a computer technician, tells the Free Press. "We're talking about putting a child in danger."
Oakland County prosecutor Jessica Cooper, in a voice mail to the newspaper, calls Walker a skilled "hacker" who used his wife's e-mail "in a contentious way."
In preliminary testimony, Clara testified that while Leon had bought her that laptop, it was hers alone and that she kept the password a secret.
Leon Walker says he routinely used the computer and that she kept all of her passwords in a small book next to it. "It was a family computer," he says. "I did work on it all the time."

Should it be illegal to read spouse's e-mail?

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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Ask the Professor

Jennifer Edlund's website

It's Sunday and time for another edition of Edlund 101

Can you attempt my class.....

Hi Professor. I was wondering when I should I call a woman back after the first date? - Tim, Houston Texas

I can honestly tell you that I despise this game. This “wait three days to call her,” rule is bullshit. Listen, if she gains your interest call her the next day. It's not going to make you look desperate. Shit or get off the pot is what I like to say. We want to know you're interested, and frankly making us wait around for you drives us nuts. And hey, depending on the type of woman---this could be a deal breaker.

Dear Edlund 101: I have a serious problem. My boyfriend is verbally abusive and the things he says make me feel small, insecure and unworthy... what should I do? – Amanda Long, Colorado

Edlund 101 followers do not date men who are abusive in any which way or form. At any given sign of this behavior we are out. I suggest you DTB immediately. He is not going to get any better and odds are, he is just going to get worse. Get out before you end up in some serious trouble. I don’t get care how much you love him…..run bitch, run for your life.

I’m curious. When should a couple announce they are dating? – Jamie K- San Diego, CA

What’s the big deal about letting people know you are dating someone? Unless the person you decide to date is going to reek havoc in your personal life, then it shouldn't be some big secret. I guess could say that announcing that this person is your boyfriend/girlfriend is a more serious question. And second, you are not officially a couple when you are “dating”….unless you are dating exclusively. So it doesn’t matter, unless you just don’t want people to know.

A guy I've been seeing has tons of porno saved on his computer. Is this unusual? –Anonymous

Men will be men. You can’t stop them from looking at naked pictures of women…especially with the Internet at their fingertips. It's in their DNA, although like everything else in life, it should be done in moderation. And you might want to take in consideration what type of porn he is looking at. Is it Playboy or hardcore. If it's hardcore then I would be somewhat concerned about the guys mental state. Also, if you notice that he has become obsessed with his pornography and it’s taken over his life and your relationship---you have a serious problem on your hands. However, if it’s every once in a while, it’s no big deal in my opinion.

Edlund101: What age do you think is ideal for a girl to get married and why do you believe so? Brian Foster, Wyoming

I've always believed that no one should get married before the age of 25. I know a great number of people whom have gotten married at 18, 20, 21, 22...and most of these people have only been in one serious relationship their whole life. Actually, what does someone at the age of 18 know about a serious relationship? They are still kids themselves. Then you have to factor in that possibly when someone as young as 18 or 21 gets older and wises up that they will begin to see the light. He/she finally realizes that they've only been with one person their entire young life. And suddenly they end up with feelings of regret----regretting that they never had the chance to experience life and dating. He/she also might begin to wonder what it would be like to be with someone else That's when the trouble starts. And I know someone in that exact situation. I'm not saying everyone is going to end up this way, but statistics show that in this day in age when someone marries under the age of 25, it usually ends up in divorce. Just say'in.

Class is now dismissed.

http://www.amazon.com/Forever-Blue-ebook/dp/B004O0U7NW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311265142&sr=8-1

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/forever-blue-jennifer-edlund/1101047200?ean=2940012671165&itm=1&usri=jennifer%2bedlund

Or paperback at Amazon or Barnes and Noble:

http://www.amazon.com/Forever-Blue-1-Jennifer-Edlund/dp/1463727534/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1316036646&sr=8-3

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/forever-blue-jennifer-edlund/1030036015?ean=9781463727536&itm=7&usri=forever%2bblue

Friday, December 17, 2010

How to Use an Online Dating Profile to Catch an Unfaithful Partner

Class is now in session....

It was over five years ago that I was in my first so-called, “serious” relationship. I was just head over heels for this guy I met four years prior. And thus began a shaky relationship that lasted off and on for about four years. During the duration of our relationship, I had my suspicions about him. I knew some things were just a little off, but I continued to hang on to his every word. Our problems started when I wouldn’t put out. Don’t get the wrong idea. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, but rather deep down, I didn’t fully trust him. He agreed to wait until I was ready, but his word only lasted all of ten seconds. He had no patience, so when he didn’t get what he wanted he would decide to disappear for few weeks, months and the longest was even a year. This was exactly the reason why I didn’t want to have sex wit him in the first place, because he pulled stunts like this. God only knows what he was doing behind my back all that time. It went on like this for about four years. Back then I was young and dumb and had no clue as to what to expect in the dating world. Knowing who I am now, I have a zero tolerance policy for that kind of behavior in a relationship. And if that had happened to me in this day in age, his ass would have been grass the first time he did me wrong. Anyway, after the fourth time we broke up and got back together, he seemed to really want to work things out. But if he thought he was going to get into my pants that easily, he was dead wrong. There was no way in hell I’d give it up that quickly after all the bullshit and heartache he’d put me through. He was really going to have to man up and make me believe that he had changed.

Back in 2005, we both had MySpace accounts. One particular day at work I was once again feeling very suspicious of my then “boyfriend.” We had a conversation the night before about what I had to do to officially become his, “girlfriend.” He actually said verbatim that I had to have sex with him to be his girlfriend. I was an idiot back then. I was going to fall for it, but not until I eased my conscience. That day I came up with a plan. I made another MySpace account profile. I searched around the internet and found some pictures of a girl, who was pretty sexy. She didn’t look fake or photo shopped. This girl looked like someone he’d be interested in. Yes, I was going to find out once and for all if I could trust this guy. I played around with the profile giving it a phony bio, etc. And then of course I used this account to email my “boyfriend.” It started off as just a friendly email to him. I wrote, “Hi! Your profile caught my eye. Where are you from?” I wasn’t surprised at how quickly he emailed me back. His message wasn’t long, just a reply with, “Irvine. How are you doing?” Yeah--- pretty harmless. The next day I took it a step further. Of course I couldn’t get down and dirty the first day, otherwise he would know it was a set-up. This time I was ready to catch him with his pants down. I emailed him that afternoon from the same account asking, “I’m doing great. You’re pretty cute. Do you have a girlfriend? If not, we should meet up sometime.” The reply took longer this time, but imagine the sickness I felt in my stomach when I read, “No, I do not have a girlfriend. Yes, we should hang out.” And I continued to keep this email going with one last reply, “How about this Wednesday? Here’s my number 714-535-1105.” He got back at me with, “That sounds good to me. I’ll call you in a few days.” Oh man, I was absolutely floored. How could this asshole do something like this! Unfortunately, my impulsiveness got the best of me. I immediately texted that douche with, “I can’t believe you!” Oh and he probably got the shock of his life knowing that I knew exactly what he just pulled. And that bastard tried to save his ass by telling me that it was his friend who sent those emails. Yeah right. Real smooth there buddy, real smooth. Then he immediately retaliates by throwing the whole incident back at me. He said he did nothing wrong and he knew it was me the whole time. I was just looking to stir up shit. Do I need to say that I DTB him faster than I could say his name? This time it was over for good. I had gotten the answer I wanted and I finally knew the type of person he was for sure. It’s funny; two can play the lying game. I actually told him that I had a friend come up with the whole idea and it was her that was emailing him. And he believed it. Just a stupid, childish, ridiculous game.

By all means, I’m not saying that setting your boyfriend up is the right way to go, but when you have suspicions….sometimes you just have to act on them. A women’s intuition never fails. You just have to beware that you can only go so far with this. You only have one shot and if you’re not good at being sneaky then I wouldn’t suggest playing around with fire. It can be dangerous and you might get burned. And mentally prepare yourself for the outcome. Once you find out the truth it’s like a punch in a gut Also, know what you’re getting yourself into when you do something like this. Once the cat is out of the bag you lose trust on both sides, whether you decide to work it out or not.

I’ve only done this one time in my lifetime. I would probably never do it again due to the fact that I’ve wised up about men. When I get the feeling a guy is doing something shady I DTB as fast I can. It never fails. The scary part is--- we live in such an advanced information technology highway that it’s really not that hard to find out anything we want about anyone anymore.

Class dismissed.

http://www.amazon.com/Forever-Blue-ebook/dp/B004O0U7NW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311265142&sr=8-1

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/forever-blue-jennifer-edlund/1101047200?ean=2940012671165&itm=1&usri=jennifer%2bedlund

Or paperback at Amazon or Barnes and Noble:

http://www.amazon.com/Forever-Blue-1-Jennifer-Edlund/dp/1463727534/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1316036646&sr=8-3

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/forever-blue-jennifer-edlund/1030036015?ean=9781463727536&itm=7&usri=forever%2bblue

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Jealousy: Why the thought of his ex-girlfriend drives you crazy

Class is now in session….

It’s been known that after a woman meets a guy she really likes, the subject of the “ex-girlfriend” will come up at one time or another. Try as you might, if you’re looking to get into a serious relationship with him you can never avoid it. I’ve had a lot of friends in the past tell me that as soon as he started talking about his ex-girlfriend, she would create all sorts of dire thoughts and images her head that were bound to bring up drama in the relationship. And it goes something like this:

Guy: My last relationship lasted about two years.

Girl: Hmm…I wonder if she’s prettier than me. I have to see what this bitch looks like.

Guy: It didn’t work out, but she wants to remain friends.

Girl: Friends? If I see her even come within twenty feet of you it’s on like donkey kong.

Guy: When we decided to break up, she was actually pretty easy going about it.

Girl: Skank!

And during this whole talk, you can’t rid the thought of them sleeping together. This leads to what I like to call the “Sloppy-Seconds” factor. Let’s face it--- everyone we’ve dated has most likely been in a relationship before you. You may be special, but you ain’t that special. To think that your man is like some new car on the lot that’s never been driven is unrealistic. In fact, you’re probably not even sloppy seconds. You are more like thirds, fourths, fifths or hundredths. Does that mean you should dwell on every single relationship of his past? If you do….YOU CRAZY. Not to mention, you got some serious issues. Mostly likely you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you get your head checked out. And I’m not making this shit up. I know many women like this. Everyone has a past and what happened in the past should stay in the past. Frankly, who your man dated before you is none of your damn business. Of course, no one is perfect and I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve checked up on a guy after he’s talked about his ex-girlfriend. Only because it gives me a sense of whom he is and what grade of man I’m going to end up with. If I discover that his ex was a total loser or complete piece of trash what does that say about the guy? As they say-- you are who your friends are. And this is usually the only reason why I do some investigation if need be. If you have to scratch the itch, do so quietly and then move on. Just don’t anything extreme.

In other circumstances, the ex-girlfriend might still be hanging around. If this is the case, there are reasons to be concerned. Although, there is nothing you can do if he has a child with his woman. Remember, it was your choice to get involved with him knowing he had this baggage, so if you can’t handle it then its best you hit the road. The reality is--- she is going to be a part of his life FOREVER. On the flipside, if your man has no ties to his ex-girlfriend then there should really be no reason why she’s still in his life. And don’t even fall for the “well we’re friends,” bullshit. We all know that at some point in time these “friends” will probably hook up again. For instance, I know a guy who is extremely on and off with his “girlfriend.” And guess who he decides to start playing nicey-nice with when she’s not around? Me. Every time he breaks up with her, he comes running back to me, acting like he’s interested. During this time he will constantly keep in contact with me. Oh, I used to fall for it and I wanted to believe that it was over for good. Then after the fifth time they broke up I’d had it. I was sick of his sniveling and complaining. I’d been though his crying games so many times that I knew they would eventually get back together even if he didn’t want to admit it. It drove me crazy, but not in the jealously type way. I felt more like the used shoulder that had been cried on one to many times. The truth is his girlfriend is complete piece of redneck garbage. But as they say…love is blind.

Ladies, you need to face it. When you date a guy, you basically are dating everyone he dated before you. Do not go looking for things you cannot change. Dwelling on his past is unhealthy and will not do the relationship any good. You will probably kill it. What goes around comes around and chances are…the next girl he dates will likely be wondering about you.

Class dismissed.